Notebook

so I found this note book.
its just paper. but it comes with this beutiful leather cover so you can use it over and over again. I love notebooks. not crappy ones. th beutiful ones. there is something ecxiting about them.

i quit

fuck you
fuck her
fuck them
fuck that
fuck this

because when you talk to me
properly
and we talk
and you talk back.
well I'm just happy :)
but that makes the rest of the time seem pretty shit
when I said this was what I wanted...
well I was joking
I only feel good at two times of day
talking to you and cus you dont want to talk to me...well it's hard,
and riding
and the fucking rain wont fucking stop

fuck this

L O V E

my breath of fresh air

the strain

that stess

it doesnt fade away

but it does loosen

and suddenly

it seem less important

i have my own drug

and its perfect

and i wont share

because you will never understand this

i dont no who you think you are. but your not my friend. not anymore

dont you fucking dare.

dont walk in here and think you can no shit about me.

because you very ask

you never care

as if you would

i used to look at you

with a group of people

and think

wow

why did you choose me

why from all these people do u look at me

why do you smile

why do you tell me things

why do you trust

and now i can look bad and see

because im an idiot

because there was no where else

because you knew i would smile back

because you think there is no one i could tell

because i listen

because im all that was left

its like your in a shop

and you drank all of you favorite soda

and there was only one can of some crap left

so you chose that

because you needed it in you hand

to look cool

thats me

the crappy little fruit juice

dont pretend you know me

you dont know shit about me

my hopes my dreams

my hates my fears

you dont know i had a convosation with my dad

for 30 minites

about why grapefruit was called grapefruit

and it was fun

because i love my family

and id rather tell them the truth

and not have to lie

that have wat you call "fun"

because for me

that not always fun

sometimes

not always

i dont think it cool to be cool

i think your lame

when you try and act cool

becuase cool isnt being a rebal

isnt hateing

and failing

and saying it fine

"because i didnt try"

i think your lame

i dont like you

not at all

i dont agree with wat your doing

your not a nice person

not at all

and i dont even know if i mean that

your a lame joke

your a lame joke

that the best i have

thats all i can come up with

i quit

i give up

i give in

i accept all th truths

we will never have anything again

and ipromise ill never try

not once

cus ill just fall and get hurt

again

cus ull just come in and the its gone

anything i had built up

any fragile wall

is gone

so ill stop now

for me

for for you

but no for her

i hope she feels the pain of rejection

cus thats all i can make her feel

no love

no joy

no surprise

no nothing
and when you read this

im pretty sure ull read this wrong

so stop

and think again

dont you ever miss me

the way we used to be?

but its ok

cus i dont miss you

Worble

i love that word

it sounds so

ROUND

My life is a mess

A fucking mother fucking mess

My friends – either they hate me…they stab me in the back…they can’t seem to remember really important things … or they are to far away, even when there just down the road.

My family – fucking hates me. You may think I have a good family. That we love each other. Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. No. we are a mess. My mum hates my dad who loves my mum who also hates me but loves my fucking perfect little brother, who love my mum and dad but hates me and sport. Which makes my dad bitter, because he loves sport and I’m the only one who has any interesting it. I’m the one he taught sport to and played ruby with. Not the perfect son. Who it turns out is a bullying wimp who hits kids at school it they up set him or he cries so he has to see a consoler. Or however you spell it. Oh yeah another thing. I’m never good enough for my mum. My mum the fucking editor! Spelling is what she does. and its what i cant do

then theres boys. im really fucking like him

i think

i just want be near him always and always. not doing anything just being with each other.i dont care. but of course i can never ever tell anyone that. appart from yous :)

i like to kill my self through him. Jemma go out with him. tess go out with him. charlie go out with him. i will just sit backand watch myself bleed. yay.

me. seeim just a bit...alot screwed up.

i wish i could let you into my head.its a turly horrible repulsive beautiful stunning place. its so twisted. you never begin to understand. i am the most two sided person. i enjoy small fights. im a coward. ill hide from my problem. i get so angry over nothing at all. and sometimes i forget not everyone is as twised asme so i dont understand there actions. if the world was fullof peoplelike me...well we would be screwed

Riding. you know thereis a reason i dont talk about it on here. i like to keep it seperate. its more perminate than the problems here. so its specil and i dont want to share its magic with you because, well, i dont really know if youll understand.

but im just gonna say one thing. if im ever mean to you, if i make you feel bad,if i hurt you in anyway, well i hope it makes you feel better to know, for every time i hurt some one, i hurt myself a hundred times for it. for nothing. for tiny things.i rip my selfup on the inside and (**t)

i hope it makes you feel better. i dont need to be 'got back" ill always hate me, cus well...im two faced aye?