so tomorrow

its school

i wonder

how it will feel

to see everybody again

cus i didnt really see any off them

i kinda dissapeared

and i like that :)

cus why would i want to see theese people

they represent

sadness

and meaness

and hatered

and stupidity

they embody it

why would i want to see them?

they are school

there not my real friends

there people i was put with by accedent

and a very few of them

just 3 infact

i happen to love

very dearly

and hold oh so close to my heart

but you see

the thing about theese 3

specieal people

is that they have someone else

im sure

they like me too

well i hope

but because of that

it doesnt make it worth seeing all th others

]getting through all th crap

not now

maybe later

but not now

never now

not ever now

but you know

its that stupid govermant again

trying to educate us

well dearies

there obviously not doing a very good job eh?

i wonder how they'll treat me

those

3

there yelling

but silently

there yelling

with sighs

and yelling

with looks

and turns of th shoulders

i wish theyd stop yelling

damn, post 70...

so

its like

weird

cus

well really

its cus

its like

I don't exist

its like

apart from when im riding

im always doing something

and when im doing something

im not me

im somebody else

doing something else

and so

i feel like

in this move

this huge clutter of boxes

ive been packed away

and me

the me that matters anyway

has been folded up

packed up

in one of th boxes

ready to come out when everyone's calmed down

and there ready for me again

but I dont think they will be

not for a while

because you see dear

at my house

its hell

I have to be blank

I have to be this shell

so I can avoid being yelled at

I'll be yell at for sitting here

doing nothing

so im going to pack my self away

under my bed for a while

it'll be better for everyone

you'll see

a house is a house right?

is just the people who make it speicil

its us that have made it what it is

its just a shell, holding our love

a nest for it to grow in

a nest of happiness and love

i hope

and all the things

with menories atraches to them

there specil

but th hourse with out us]

is it specil?

no it just a shell

just a shell

just a shell

just a shell

just a shell

just a shell

just a shell

just a shell

just a shell

just a shell

just a shell

<3

but god, i love this shell

im sorry. i expected to much didnt i?

yet again? i shouldnt have though ud understand

nobody ever does

i dared to hope

stupid aye?

its not about that

i really want to come

to feel the heat rush over me

i love getting lost

just the music and my boddy and

th crushing other bodies the power and

heat

its not that at all

its them

they take away from it

people who dont get it.

or dont seem to get it

and that there there

yes ill atmit it

im a selfish bitch

and i want u all to my self

happy?

do you ever look in the mirror and not reconise myself

i do...all th time

it not like i expect to be fatter or thinner all taller or prettier or uglier or anything at all like that

i just dont reconise my self sometimes

and for a second tis like whos that???

and then i relise it must be me right? because it a mirror and thats what it does

but i dono

its like my face isnt quite right

or my hair

something

i dono

i wish i knew what i looked like on the inside

and no i dont mean guts and shit

i guess i mean like my soul

but that sounds weird

..i dono

does that ever happen too you?

i dont no i if i like anyone or not

i would no if i did right?

i would know i would

its been so long though

and i was always weird

maybe...

maybe if i try it out itll get better

or maybe i should just stay at home :)

thats wat ill do

if i called out

if i called out

right now

in need of help

in need of love who would come

no one

thats who

my "friends" and busy

my parents have gone on holiday

even my brother has a life

sad?

i think so

but i love being bye my self

best feeling in the worl

when you can sit and think

and need know one else

be happy in your self

oh god...i have been left alone with the ealderly insane

i dont want to be old

not ever

haveing my granparents here is scary enough

surly if you were if you were old you would want to live every second of life?

but they take naps

i dont want to be old

when your young you get steriotyped

thin fat pretty ugly diffrent reble and then you

middleageded - biusness person mum dad hopeless case single divorsed

and then suddenly horrible

you old

thats who you are

it you

old

the same

just old

all old

im so scared

not of death

that doesnt bother me

why run there is no way to stop that

prolong life sure

but death is comeing

always

im just scared of the horribe incomitantce that comes before death

thats not always